STANGER MANAGEMENT!

You are looking at a woman who is single-handedly, one-guy-at-a-time, doing her level best to give a wake up call to successful American men. The message? No matter how much money and success you accumulate, "you're not gettin Natalie Portman!!!"

Patti Stanger's reality TV show called the "Millionaire Matchmaker" is filmed in Los Angeles, one of the toughest dating markets in the world. Millionaire men (and some millionaire women) pay a hefty fee to have Patti dig into her database of pre-screened women and come up with the perfect mate. Based on the clients "want list", Patti and her staff hand-pick 15 or 20 possible matches and invite them to attend a mixer where the client will select one of them to take on a date.

For me, the most entertaining part of the show is watching Patti react to her male clients as they rattle off a list of qualities they're hoping to find in a woman. To get a sense of the millionaire's taste, she'll ask him to "describe the type of woman you'd like, a Kim Kardashian or a Kate Hudson?" Here's where it gets interesting (and predictable). No matter how old the millionaire man is, or what he looks like, he orders up a woman under the age of 25 who looks like a Victoria's Secret runway model.

Only Patti has the balls to lay the awful truth on these guys. "You're not gettin Cameron Diaz, you're old enough to be her Father" Or, "What's with the ugly shoes and polyester pants?, no woman in MY database is gonna "spread" for guy who dresses like you, you need a makeover". Patti calls them like she sees them, agest, narcissists with broken pickers! That's pickers, not peckers.

Every once in a while she'll call a clients bluff and fix him up with what he asks for. Like the nice Jewish boy who made his millions selling sex toys. He didn't care about finding the "girl next door" he could bring home to Mama'la. He wanted a sexy, sexually aggressive beauty under 28 who wouldn't mind the stripper pole in his living room. Oh and if possible, will you make her bisexual too. LOL... Patti fixed him up good, with an absolute beauty who fit his bill to a T. The guy couldn't run fast enough, tail between his legs. That's what I call taking the cure!

Or what about the 49 year old millionaire who insisted on dating a beautiful 26 year old. Patti warned him, "she's too young for you, why are you still looking for tits on a stick at your age?" Sure enough, on their date over dinner, Miss 26 couldn't get over the fact that he hadn't seen the movie Napoleon Dynamite. When he told her he'd helped finance a program that fed more than 2 million families, she answered saying "yeah, I'm trying to stay away from carbs." I love it... and I've grown to love Patti and her evil ways too. Bottom line, for a small dose of poetic justice, try watching Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo.