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My Sister (middle of 3) is about to retire from a her job as an "Executive Assistant" for a large beverage supplier in Texas. Her title is a euphemism adopted by the W.A.S.P.'s at the top of the food chain, or chain of command within "The Company".As you can plainly see in her email of this morning, she's really the brains of the operation, but if this fact was ever made public, they'd have to pay her accordingly so it's kept on the proverbial down-low. Yikes, imagine the hysteria and mayhem that would ensue. Here's what she wrote in her email this morning:
THIS IS IT.....THE LAST WEEK!!! THE FINAL FIVE DAYS....FOUR MORE 6:30 MORNINGS...FOUR MORE CONCERNS ABOUT WHAT TO WEAR...FOUR MORE DRIVES TO THIS PARKING LOT...FOUR MORE DAYS OF PETTY REQUESTS AND STUPID STATEMENTS...FOUR MORE DAYS OF LISTENING TO THE MOUTH-BREATHING, CHIP-CHOMPING, ILLITERATE.
Only four more days of expenses, incentives, surveys, suppliers, sales reps and their managers; no more "has this invoice been paid?", "what conference room is this meeting in", "can you get me an airline ticket", "I need some product pulled for a seminar this afternoon - can you get me approval to do a 'same day'?" "Please send this supplier their placements for the last 4 years"!!!!! "Please order lunch for 40 people to be delivered 20 minutes from now - what do you mean that's not possible?", "I need a rush on this $13,000 check request and $13,000 worth of gift cards by tomorrow", "how many days vacation do I have left this year?".
Oh, yeah, I'm ready!!!
Congratulations Donna! I'm so proud of you and a little envious since I will no doubt work up until the time of my death, and most likely while actually on the job. As usual, I wanna be just like you when I grow up!
How much do you love the comment about the "mouth-breathing, chip-chomping, illiterate"? As much as me? Come on, I know you do! Prey Tell!
Oh, can I go too??? Please? Pretty please??? Fortunately, I truly work with wonderful people. But still, this business of dealing with other people's petty concerns and notions and needs and supposed crises is turnin' my hair grey ... and the hair dye I have to use as a result isn't tax deductible. We also have a mouth-breather who brings the loudest foods possible for lunch (which is eaten in the conference room right next to my office ... yay!); he's literate in several languages, though, so I can't quite empathize with Sis. But I am deeply, deeply jealous of those 4 last days 'til she's sprung ....
ReplyDeleteThe "mouth-breathing, chip-chomping, illiterate" is the icing on the retirement cake! I am so happy for my beautiful Mommy I can't express it enough! And the fact that I get to spend the first two weeks of her retirement with her will be FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
ReplyDeleteI L O V E you Mommy!
What a funny e-mail! Good for her, I'm sure by her statement she is more than ready to leave and enjoy her leisure time!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to your sister. I hope she finds lots of fun things to do in her retirement. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for chiming in people. You're the BEST!
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