Here's some truth for ya ....

There are victims and then there are volunteers. Obviously, there's a difference but recognizing it can be tricky. To focus on the truth when you're in the throws of being victimized can be difficult, but it's not impossible. All that's required is a sober mind and brutal self-honesty.

In the truest sense of the word, victims are innocent children, helpless adults, and unless you're a member of the animal kingdom, that's about it as far as true victims go.

Ignorance is usually no excuse for being victimized, but there can be exceptions to that. We're only human after all, and just because we should know better doesn't mean we always do. When it comes to personal relationships, the simplest distinction goes like this:

First time a victim, second time a volunteer.

One popular theory says that we grow up with a deeply rooted desire to FIX what ever was wrong with key childhood relationships. Father/daughter, mother/father, sister/brother, etc. Unfortunately, a very small number of us are ever successful in achieving "the fix", so most of us who seek it end up putting ourselves through horrific life circumstances in an effort to achieve that end. The result usually means carrying around the same emotional baggage we started out with in life… that can’t be good.

It is my opinion that adopting ones own healthy personal philosophy is what is necessary to circumvent "fix chasing". Instead of choosing the wrong spouse or partner and acting out some bad childhood scenario, there must come a point in time when one stops operating on deeply seeded emotions, and allows a well thought out philosophy to take over (and the sooner the better).

It's not always as much fun to live this way however, especially for those accustomed to a life filled with lots of drama. Drama becomes out of place when matched with a sound philosophy, and that may be unbearable for certain people.

Being philosophical about love and matters close to the heart may be too staid an existence for some, but if it can keep us from squandering our time and our love on people who don't want or deserve it, it may just set us free forever.

The good news; It's never too late to adopt a new philosophy. Thinking about an old problem in a new way can be just the thing one needs to pick up the pieces of their self respect and move forward in the direction of true happiness. I'm just sayin!


  1. AMEN!!!! What a brilliant, so true post !! I swear this was written just for my sister, I love the Victim/Volunteer theory. Would you care if I copied and sent this to her? If she reads it here, she'll also see my comment!

  2. Sure Laurie, go right ahead. I'm flattered. Thank you for commenting. You're the best!

  3. Thanks for stopping by High Heels and Hot Flashes. Love your blog and now following.

  4. I am living proof of this philosophy. Once I started thinking and being brutally honest about myself,(and them) I attracted the most beautiful human into my life. Good post. :)

  5. Thank you for stopping by, leaving such sweet comments, and following my blog! I'm now following yours, and am looking forward to exploring it.
    Great post!

  6. Spoken (typed?) by a wise woman! I personally have not just baggage, but enough baggage to fill an Airbus. But it's my choice whether to let it inhibit and hamper me, or whether to set limits and boundaries and to choose my own attitude. And that ol' Serenity Prayer comes into play here, too -- if ya can't change it, whaddya gonna do about it??? You can choose how YOU will react, what YOUR next step is, etc. This post is all about empowerment ....

  7. I totally agree with this!!! Life is what you make of it, it is your choice whether you want to succeed or not. Have a bright outlook on life and life will be wonderful...

  8. YM, yes indeed. Empowerment is what it's about, isn't it? And a little bit of courage. Thanks for commenting.

    Deanna, so true. Wish every parent would teach this to their children.. Loved your comments, thanks so much.. Keri


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