DEAR JOHN!

Dear John Edwards,

Look out, you're two ticks away from looking like an old lesbian yourself (see this post). Now is NOT the time to give Rielle any reason to stray, and lets face it, being a man on the verge of looking like an old lesbian is right up there with being a Cancer victim. Nothing will send a girl running for the hills faster. But don't panic yet, as long as you still need to shave every morning and the outcome of your $53 million dollar divorce settlement remains to be seen, life with Ms. Hunter and your new baby should be all good.

I know you didn't ask for it, but when it comes to your relationship with former Aide Andrew Young, I would highly recommend heeding the advise of one Vito Corleone and keep Andrew and his lovely wife closer to you now than ever before. Never mind what he has written about you in his book "The Politician", word has it his motivation for writing the book was purely for financial gain, so you see, it's just business, nothing personal.

Just think, you came so close to being Commander and Chief of the United States Military. The President of the United States of America, where your high moral ground, keen sense of integrity, honor and commitment could have shown brightly for the world to see. What a shame.

And lets give credit where credit is due, your Wife Elizabeth is a smart woman. She's bound to come to her senses about all of this sooner or later and decide to bury the hatchet. If not, you can wait and bury it with her. Patience, friend.